Confession:
I am a massive verbal processor who spends my day homeschooling 4 children, while my husband works 12 hours a day.

Translation:
Need. Adult. Conversation.

Did I mention the fact that he is an introverted NON-verbal processor that has far exceeded his 4k word allotment by the end of that 12 hrs?
(Not even fair, right?? I know.)
The last thing he wants to do when he gets home is listen to me “bock bock bock BOCK BOCK!!”. He does it anyway tho, because he’s awesome.

Motivation:
I’ve gone thru soooo much in the last year, last 3 months especially, and I’ve been wanting to share my experiences in a non-invasive manner AND without sharing personal info in a public forum.
I mean, duh, if you know me & you’re here, you *probably* already know I’m not a FB-er.

Solution:
One of my favorite people always tells me, “Impression without expression leads to depression.” Since I’m on this new thing where I manage my stress instead of internalizing it, I thought this might be a good way to do it.

I have so many areas in my life to share from, but I haven’t kept a journal since I was very young for 2 reasons:

1. I can’t *possibly* write fast enough to get out all that is inside.
2. There will be public record of my thoughts. Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!

Not that I’m serial killer or anything, but I use great restraint on my thought processes & sometimes a thought or emotion needs to be filtered appropriately. Right??
Well.
It has been an unraveling thought that someone could possibly find a raw emotion & not understanding my character, would take something out of context & misunderstand me, or worse, be hurt or offended. I have felt in the past that there was no way to get around this so I would just keep my thoughts & emotions inside.

That hasn’t worked out very well for me. It has resulted in a total breakdown of my physical body. I’m ready to catalog my journey to health & freedom, and I’m hoping there are others out there I can help. Most of the venues I’m going through were new to me, which makes me think it might be new to others as well.

There have been 2 things I’ve had to remind myself through this process.
One was advice from a wellness coach: “Trust the process.”
I was at a breaking point and had decided to give in & just try whatever came my way next. This was exactly what I needed to hear.
The second was a bumper sticker. Yeah, I know, kinda lame. But it totally choked me up when I saw it on the back of the car in front of me.

YGTTbumpersticker

So I don’t want to be melancholy about all our struggles.
Wah wah.
I want to get past all the junk that weighs me down. I frequently feel as if I’m trying to walk or even run, but am tangled in a jump rope & keep tripping up.
I’m ready for that to be over.
I’m ready to again feel like the eternal optimist I truly am and, for the love of Pete, get my humor back!!
To lighten up, be active, have brain space to create, LAUGH!
I have been completely bound by fear & pride.

But not anymore. Here I am, on my journey. Brave & vulnerable.
And hopefully, relevant.

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