I am a massive verbal processor who spends my day homeschooling 4 children, while my husband works 12 hours a day.
Need. Adult. Conversation.
Did I mention the fact that he is an introverted NON-verbal processor that has far exceeded his 4k word allotment by the end of that 12 hrs?
(Not even fair, right?? I know.)
The last thing he wants to do when he gets home is listen to me “bock bock bock BOCK BOCK!!”. He does it anyway tho, because he’s awesome.
I’ve gone thru soooo much in the last year, last 3 months especially, and I’ve been wanting to share my experiences in a non-invasive manner AND without sharing personal info in a public forum.
I mean, duh, if you know me & you’re here, you *probably* already know I’m not a FB-er.
One of my favorite people always tells me, “Impression without expression leads to depression.” Since I’m on this new thing where I manage my stress instead of internalizing it, I thought this might be a good way to do it.
I have so many areas in my life to share from, but I haven’t kept a journal since I was very young for 2 reasons:
1. I can’t *possibly* write fast enough to get out all that is inside.
2. There will be public record of my thoughts. Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!
Not that I’m serial killer or anything, but I use great restraint on my thought processes & sometimes a thought or emotion needs to be filtered appropriately. Right??
It has been an unraveling thought that someone could possibly find a raw emotion & not understanding my character, would take something out of context & misunderstand me, or worse, be hurt or offended. I have felt in the past that there was no way to get around this so I would just keep my thoughts & emotions inside.
That hasn’t worked out very well for me. It has resulted in a total breakdown of my physical body. I’m ready to catalog my journey to health & freedom, and I’m hoping there are others out there I can help. Most of the venues I’m going through were new to me, which makes me think it might be new to others as well.
There have been 2 things I’ve had to remind myself through this process.
One was advice from a wellness coach: “Trust the process.”
I was at a breaking point and had decided to give in & just try whatever came my way next. This was exactly what I needed to hear.
The second was a bumper sticker. Yeah, I know, kinda lame. But it totally choked me up when I saw it on the back of the car in front of me.
So I don’t want to be melancholy about all our struggles.
I want to get past all the junk that weighs me down. I frequently feel as if I’m trying to walk or even run, but am tangled in a jump rope & keep tripping up.
I’m ready for that to be over.
I’m ready to again feel like the eternal optimist I truly am and, for the love of Pete, get my humor back!!
To lighten up, be active, have brain space to create, LAUGH!
I have been completely bound by fear & pride.
But not anymore. Here I am, on my journey. Brave & vulnerable.
And hopefully, relevant.